We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
