I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
