I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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