Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
