i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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