What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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