Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
