does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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