hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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