Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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