I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
