woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
