I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
