no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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