She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
