Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize