my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
