I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
