so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
