I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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