If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I AM VODKA MAN
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
