Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
