Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
