I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
