When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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