well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
