Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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