she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
