you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
