Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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