What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
