i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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