put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
