is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
