i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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