Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am one with the molecules
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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