bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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