I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sext me about skeletons
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
