No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
