I cannot find my penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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