Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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