We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
