wat bout pragnant strippers??
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
