dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
