i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
