well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
