when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
