i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
