YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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