people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Two words: nipple clamps
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