your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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