Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
