I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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