I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My cat gives me a boner
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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