It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
