Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am midnight drunk by noon
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
