I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
