You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
