yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize