when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
