Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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