Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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