I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
