Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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