So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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