he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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